boundaries

Friday, October 5, 2012 by Nicole | 15 Comments

I am 100-percent, unequivocally, wholly,
and shamefully responsible for the
unsustainable pace I’ve set forth in my life.

Last Tuesday, I had a revelation. It was painful and affirming just the same. Until that miserable conversation, I had been (for lack of better terms) wearing blinders. The relationship that I should have been holding in the highest regard, the one I vowed to hold higher than any other, was crumbling and I hadn’t been present long enough to realize it.

To publicly admit this, I am embarrassed, ashamed, and disappointed.

I have had no boundaries. I have not been honest. I have taken loved ones for granted.

I need to restore balance.

I am asking forgiveness for being selfish and distracted. I am asking for patience as I repair what is damaged.

This weekend will be different.

The calendar is empty and it’s staying that way. Husband and I are going on a date: probably lunch and a movie. There is no schedule. There are no demands. We are simply going to be together. I suspect I’ll be alongside my Grease Monkey as he puts the finishing touches to the flatbed trailer he’s restoring. There’s been talk that he’s going to teach me to weld too. Sunday, I will go to church and make last-minute preparations with the Haiti mission team. Afterwards, I will return home and rest. I will really observe the Sabbath. I will make phone calls that have been put off for weeks, some even months. With the predicted cooler temperatures, we might open windows and nap under a down comforter!

In regards to this blog, it will be much quieter. I am unplugging for a while.

The mission trip (October 10 – October 19) is taking me away from home *AND* modern conveniences, but I think it’s Divine Providence affirming my decision to step back and reevaluate my priorities and time commitments. Not only will my team and I *NOT* have running water, electricity, or Internet services, we will be digging our own latrines, sleeping on cots beneath a protective mosquito net, and bathing out of a bucket. This trip will require demands I’ve never had to endure.

We anticipate living in the coastal community of Leveque, also home to Haiti’s largest deaf community. In sign language, I know how to “say” my name, water, church and Jesus. As for the specifics of the work site, I am under the impression that the community’s school has been rebuilt but the church (heavily damaged in the 2010 earthquake) is still under reconstruction. I won’t know until I get there and I’m okay with that.

While I am away to Haiti, I’ve asked a few friends to provide guest blog posts. I think you will thoroughly enjoy meeting these ladies and reading what they have to say.

When I return, my intentional restoration (personally, privately, and communal) begins. As my great-grandparents used to say, I’ve got a long row to hoe. It’s not going to be easy or comfortable. But I got myself into this mess, and I must get myself out.

Let the good times roll.