The Boss {an equine's guest post}

Friday, January 4, 2013 by Nicole | 23 Comments

Hi, I’m Blue and I rock a comb-over like no other equine.

Yes, my name’s Blue and I’m white. Thanks for noticing.

Despite what Nicole and Mr. H might say, I am The Boss, which is why I’ve decided to give this blogging thing a try. I know Nicole has used my photos without my permission so I’m taking over her blog for the day.

Being a horse is tough business. It takes a lot of work to look as good as I do. Every morning, between 9:00 and 11:00, you can find me lying down in a worn-out spot along the fence line taking a nap. In the afternoon, I snooze again. I graze at leisure or, if the weather is bad, I’m snacking on hay inside the barn.

A human feeds me once a day (i.e. one scoop of sweet grain) and I prefer this meal before dark, even though Mr. H installed a motion-activated light. I like when Nicole feeds me because her definition of a “scoop” is more than Mr. H’s. If I’m not fed by a reasonable time, I stand at the gate and nicker. If that doesn’t work, I go in the barn and pick up the big rubber bowl with my teeth and toss it across the barn to hit Mr. H’s tractor. It not only relieves frustrations, but I’m practicing in hopes of becoming Tony Romo’s replacement for the Dallas Cowboys.

I’m known for smelling Nicole’s pockets in search of a treat. On my luckiest days, I have scored double-stuffed Oreo cookies and strawberry frosted Pop-Tarts.

Nicole, your village called. Their idiot is missing.

What sane normal woman takes pictures of herself in the reflection of a horse’s eyeball? Besides being the village idiot, Nicole is notorious for interrupting my beauty sleep. She waltzes into my sacred space, trying to be stealth, but she’s not quiet. In fact, just the other day, she got in her car and pretended to leave, only to turn around at the country road and take pictures of me. That’s weird and confirms she’s an idiot.

Beauty sleep WAS in progress.

If you’re wondering about the blanket on my sexy body, it keeps me warm when temperatures drop below 40. Some horses have long-hair but I have short-hair (Mr.H has no hair – HA!) and I’m lucky that Mr. No Hair puts this on me. The horses across the county road aren’t so lucky. Nicole can do it, but she takes FOR-EVAH. She puts the halter on me, we walk to the barn, she stands me in her designated blanket removal spot (another trait of idiots), and then we spend 30 minutes staring at each other. Nicole rubs my ears, scratches my back, hugs my neck, and talks real sweet while carefully unhooking the straps around my legs before eventually pulling the blanket over my head. I like the attention, of course, but she’s still an idiot.

When Nicole’s not spoiling me, her mom does. That woman sends me apple treats all the way from Kentucky! Wait, I haven’t gotten any treats lately.

Dear Woman in Kentucky,

I’m out of treats. Send a container of the apple-flavored treats. Don’t tell Mr. H because he’ll go ballistic. I don’t know my address so you’ll have to send it to Nicole. Thanks!

Even though Nicole annoys me with her camera, she’s a pretty awesome equine-keeper. Mr. H isn’t bad either, especially since he sold the trailer he used to haul me around and hasn’t roped in few months. I’m not complaining because no trailer means no work for me and more time for beauty sleep!

Nicole took this picture of me and I quickly turned my butt towards her face, lifted my tail,
and released a really stinky fart. She turned a shade of green I had never seen before.
Immediately, her camera stopped clicking. That worked EXACTLY how I planned it!

I’ve never done this “blogging” thing before but it’s pretty cool. Hopefully, Nicole will let me do it again. Before I indulge in another nap, I should remind everybody about the *PEN TO PAPER* link-up that Nicole is hosting Wednesday, January 23. Hosting a link-up event is on her 2013 Resolutions List, so please support her.

Until next time,

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