from the horse’s mouth

Rumor says it’s Friday, but I don’t care about Rumor unless Rumor provides me treats. Every day could be Friday and I wouldn’t know the difference. People are saying “happy Friday” this and “TGIF” that and I’m like “womp womp womp.”

Speaking of treats, my cookie jar is still empty and I am not a happy equine. Again, Rumor says Nicole’s mom is driving to Texas next week to visit, sight-see, and deliver garden goodies from the pantry and freezer. If that woman arrives without treats, I’m never nickering at her again. Unless, of course, she’s scratching my ears. Or rubs my nose. Or scratches my belly. Then I will reconsider our friendship and rank her higher on my preferred list of tolerable humans than Mister H, who says treats are forbidden.

I’m quite upset about the empty cookie jar. This is my upset face:

I’m also upset about the insanely high winds that have been blowing recently. Have you ever had to pee in 50mph wind? It ain’t easy. Every time I’ve peed, my legs and belly get wet. That’s wrong on so many levels. Farting in windy conditions is also hazardous. I farted yesterday but I was turned the wrong direction, so the wretched stink came back in my face.

You know what else is evil? Last weekend, Mister H bought square hay bales. As he was unloading them off the trailer and stacking them in my barn, I supervised his progress:

ONE ….. tubby, tubby!
TWO ….. tubby, tubby!

I now have 59 fresh hay bales (there were 60 but I already ate one). Score!

Enough of this nonsense, you folks need to get a life. Today (March 1) is National Horse Protection Day and I’m celebrating my eating, pooping, sleeping, pooping, eating, sleeping, eating and pooping. Considering how some horses have to live, I am blessed.

To celebrate, you should save a horse and ride a cowboy. And buy me treats.
Sincerely,

POLITICAL FUNNIES (a guest post)

 

I don’t know about you but I’m so over the politics — debates and election — of 2012. The commercials are on my nerves and November 6 can’t come soon enough. Politics are a private matter for me, and it’s been that way since I started voting at age 18.

The emotions coming from coworkers, family members, and Facebook friends are very strong and, in some instances, cruel and mean.  I’ve even seen comments threatening to un-friend anyone who disagrees with their political candidate or opinion.

REALLY?!?!

You’re willing to dismiss all opinions that differ from yours to the point you don’t care?? Hmm, let me know how that goes when the election is over and you need a friend!!!! Sometimes, I want to un-friend a person for being so obnoxious!!!!! But I won’t. Regardless, nobody’s going to convince me to vote their direction in response to inappropriate statements and rants.

Facebook and Twitter have mostly been the two places that I see the political rants day and night. Perhaps, now that I think about it, I should unplug from both social networks so I am not exposed to all the angry comments. I have no intentions of telling anyone WHO I’m voting for, but I promise you I AM voting. I believe we all have a voice and our vote counts.

In the meantime, and the rants continue, I’m going to enjoy the light-hearted cartoons such as these I found on Pinterest:

I’m so glad Nicole asked me to guest post on her blog while she is currently on a mission trip to Haiti. She and I met in-person a while back at the DFW Bloggers event. We had an incredible evening drinking wine, painting on canvas (even though we both decided to keep our day jobs!!!!!!), and meeting all the lovely ladies who we follow in the blog world. We could light a small city with our smiles, don’t you think?!

 

because tears are running down my leg

Yes, I am laughing.

Yes, I am immature.

Good day!

 

Don’t forget to enter the *GIVEAWAY* for a complete set of Margaret Feinberg’s The Organic God. Contest ends June 3.

 

 

Unfaithful {a public service announcement}

I crossed the line and spoiled what is was sacred: I’ve been unfaithful. I knew better when I did it, but I did it anyway. Before I tell you what IT is, consider these definitions:

Frugal — economical in use or expenditure; not wasteful

Cheap — embarrassingly stingy

I have a high school diploma, a college degree, and I’m even certified to teach multiple subjects in the State of Texas. I possess a hefty dose of common sense with even more sarcasm. If I had to identify a language deficiency, though, it would be pronouncing the word specific. Occasionally, it comes out sounding like Pacific (yes, like the ocean). I’m good at reading maps and following directions, but I really hate those talking GPS things. I’m an accurate shot on the gun range and I can field dress animals. I can also cook and bake dishes that will make your mouth water. Unfortunately, my tendencies to be cheap, rather than just sensibly frugal, have cost me great pain and suffering.

Over the weekend, Husband and I noticed that we were on the verge of running out of a particular household item that we use on a daily basis. There was no time for conversation, we had ONE left in the entire house. This was serious business. There was no time for argument: a trip to the store was mandatory.

Once inside the major supermarket chain, I walked directly to the aisle that contained the product in need. Of course, I recognized immediately the brand in which I always purchase but instead of gathering the familiar package, I opted for another (cheaper) brand. For a whole two-dollars less, I could get 250 sheets more. What. A. Deal. NOT!

When I walked into the store, I had one item on my list. There was no question that I would walk out with a package of Charmin ultra-soft. Instead of purchasing Charmin, my brain and logical sense were stolen by cheap and embarrassingly stingy aliens who robbed me (and my lady parts) of pleasant trips to the water closest. My cheapness led to me being unfaithful to the brand that has provided years of comfort and one that I’ve always loved and trusted. I messed up. Royally. Husband confirmed my poor judgement by stating, while holding up a roll of the cheap stuff, “This stuff’s gotta go.”

If anyone has a need/wish/desire for a dozen rolls of cheap toilet paper (perhaps you don’t like your neighbor and wish to “decorate” their yard and trees), I have the mother of all deals! If there are no takers for my generosity, then I’m relying on Pinterest and these 12 rolls of cheap paper to create mean looking creatures for 12 of my closest friends for Christmas. It’s the gift that keeps on giving, right?!?!

This has been a public service announcement, please give respect to your sensitive parts by purchasing only the highest quality of toilet paper. We will now return to regular programming.

Over and out.

Amen.

Best. Pin. Ever.

Go ahead, be jealous of my earrings!